orangecitrusring:

Person on the phone: Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?

Me, handing the phone to my cat: It’s for you

snauce:

shall i compare thee to a summer’s day? too hot, hot damn

jonahsimms:

actual children

obesecamels:

It’s occurred to me that “bingo night” or “bridge night” at the senior center will probably be “D&D night” when we get there, and now I’m ready to retire.

Me at 80, doing a wheelie and waving a butter knife: TO THE DRAGON’S LAIR! I THIRST FOR BLOOD! WORLDS WILL FALL BEFORE ME! 
An exhausted nurse: Please stop.

wwprice1:

Death by Jeff Dekal.

harrypotterhousequotes:

GRYFFINDOR: “She bent most of the rules, she broke the rest.” –V.E. Schwab (A Gathering of Shadows)

9d6problems:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

hi-def-doritos:

author: so in this world there are immortal fire-breathing dragons

everybody: cool!

author: also half the army is female

everybody: um, isn’t that a bit unrealistic? :/

author: there are a dozen+ sentient species including orcs, elves, and entities that should be dead but somehow aren’t

everybody: cool!

author: and a lot of them are poc

everybody: how does that? make sense?

author: alright, so people can pretty much rewrite the laws of reality by thinking about it hard enough, so anything is possible

everybody: makes sense

author: also several of the characters are not straight

everybody: what else even is there?

iovest:

😙

nerdjpg:

It’s 2007. You’re working on a PowerPoint for school. It’s about ancient Egypt. You select the Papyrus font.

“Yes, Perfect”